Media: Distinctive Occasions Interviewed for Buffalo Brides Magazine

We were pleased to be asked to contribute to a recent article on wedding planning in Buffalo Brides Magazine - here is the article!

The wedding planning puzzle

Fitting the pieces together to create your perfect day

By Erin Morris

Planning a wedding is no easy feat. The joy of being newly engaged can be soon eclipsed by dread as you realize the
enormous task before you. A plan of action makes the process easier, but with so many details to handle and so many decisions to make, the challenge is knowing where to begin.

It’s the age-old “what comes first” question.  Is it setting the date? Creating the guest list? Choosing your venue? Or establishing your budget?

Local wedding planner Dawn Schregel, owner of Distinctive Occasions LLC in Amherst, suggests starting with the big picture and working your way down to the details.

First, establish your overall “vision.”

“Discuss the style and feel, what you’re looking to get out of the day and what aspects are most important to you,” said Schregel. 

Your vision will include things like whether you see it as a day or evening celebration; whether you want something large and festive or small and intimate; and the level of formality (casual beach wedding or black-tie dinner)?

Once you’ve established the overall feel, Schregel said that budgeting is the next step.

Newlywed Christina Warren of Tonawanda agrees. “The budget definitely puts things into perspective for any couple planning a wedding,” she said. “You can narrow down what seems like an endless amount of choices to a few that are manageable.”

It may not seem romantic, but creating a budget will ensure that you start off on the right foot financially.

“You really need to know where the funds are coming from, who will pay for what, the division of expenses,” said Schregel.  “That’s something you want to figure out before you start thinking about how many guests you’re going to have, or going to visit venues.”

Once you know what you have to work with, the next step is setting your priorities.

“I sometimes tell couples to make a list of non-negotiables,“ said Schregel. Discuss what elements of the wedding are most important to you. For some couples, it’s the music – they wouldn’t dream of getting married without their favorite 10-piece band.  For others it’s a certain restaurant or menu.

Then – if your heart is set on serving surf-and-turf and top-shelf liquor – you can start making adjustments to accommodate your budget, like forgoing the designer gown or high-profile photographer.

“In the planning stages it is very easy to get carried away with all of the excitement,” said Warren. By setting a budget up front, “you will be able to figure out what you are willing or able to spend, and what accommodations or changes you need to make [in order] to have your dream wedding.”

Establishing a budget early on will also help you make other big decisions – like how many guests you’ll invite. For most couples, food and beverage costs are the largest single wedding expense – so the more guests you invite, the greater your costs.  The size of your guest list will also help you narrow down your venue choices. If you decide on 300 guests, for instance, you’ve ruled out a lot of possibilities right off the bat. 

It’s at this point when you’ll want to start considering the date.  If you lock it in too early, keep in mind that you may lose out on the ceremony site or reception location you want.

And remember to always keep Plan B in mind.

“Usually things don’t go terribly wrong,” said Schregel, “but sometimes dates are already booked, venues close or vendors go out of business, these things happen.”

Don’t “throw away all of your research once the big decisions are made,” added Warren. “You never know what will happen.”

There is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding, but oftentimes, when certain decisions are made before others, plans can go awry.

Sometimes brides and grooms “get a little bit ahead of themselves,” said Schregel. “Booking vendors before you set a budget, choosing a date before finalizing a location, doing things like that can make the planning more difficult than it needs to be.“

No matter what roadblocks you may hit or how stressful the planning process may seem, the most important thing is to not get overwhelmed. Once the big decisions are made, everything else will fall into place.

Above all, Schregel advises to “make it fun. It’s all about you as a couple. Keep in perspective what this day is, it’s your wedding and should be all about the celebration of you as a couple. If you take it slowly and don’t stress about the little things, the planning will be much more enjoyable.”

Confetti: Wedding Gratuities

As we are approaching the busy wedding season, I thought it would be a good time to share some thoughts and advice on tipping all those service providers who work so hard to make your wedding day a success.

Some things to consider:

• First and foremost, you should keep in mind that a gratuity is a discretionary expression of gratitude for service that exceeds expectations.
• In general, if a vendor owns their own business, you would not normally tip them unless you feel they have gone above and beyond for you.
• Gratuities are often included in the bill or contract, so be sure to read carefully to avoid double-tipping.

The following is a general guideline to get you started thinking about wedding day gratuities:

• Limousine Driver:  15-20% of the total bill
• DJ:  $50 and up
• Clergy Member (priest, minister, rabbi):  Usually a donation ($75 and up)
• Public official (judge, city clerk, etc.):  Usually a flat fee ($75 and up), although some will not accept it
• Waiters, Waitresses, Bartenders, Banquet Captain, Banquet Manager:  15% for servers, 15-20% for captain/manager, 10-15% for bartenders
• Coatroom Attendants:  $1 per guest (or pre-arrange a flat fee with your venue)
• Parking Attendants $1 per guest (or pre-arrange a flat fee with your venue) 
• Photographer, Videographer, Wedding Coordinator, Florist, Baker:  Only for extra-special service
• Organist, Musicians:  $20-$25 each
• Hair and Makeup Stylists:  15-20% of the total bill

If you have a wedding coordinator, they can distribute gratuities on your wedding day. Our clients provide us with sealed envelopes at the wedding rehearsal, and we take care of this for them. If we feel that a vendor has not met or exceeded expectations, we may choose to advise our clients of this and adjust the tip accordingly. If a vendor they may not have considered tipping does an extraordinary job, we make sure to advise them of this as well. If you don't have a wedding coordinator, you can give this job to a trusted member of the bridal party.

Congratulations Newly Engaged Couples!

If you are one of the lucky people who received an engagement ring for Valentine's Day or over the holidays - congratulations! You are embarking upon an exciting (and sometimes stressful) time. Here's a good plan for getting started:

{Photo}

1. Hire a Wedding Coordinator - Yes, I know what you're thinking....of course she would say this since she is a wedding coordinator! But honestly, a coordinator can be your biggest asset when planning a wedding. They can save you time, money, and help you to avoid costly mistakes. Although a coordinator can assist at any stage of the planning process, you will get the most monetary value out of the relationship if you involve one from the beginning. We offer hourly consultations for couples who need a push in the right direction but plan to do most of the planning themselves. A coordinator is a very valuable investment in your wedding.

2. Discuss the overall style and feel of the wedding. Do you want a formal, black-tie affair, or a casual BBQ? Discuss what is most important to you as a couple and how you see the day unfolding in general.

3. Choose a preferred month for your wedding. Try to keep an open mind with dates, since your preferred venue may not be available for your selected date. Also take into consideration holidays, vacation days and school schedules.

4. Set a budget. There are many templates you can find online. But how do you know how much these items should actually cost in your market? A coordinator is a great resource for this as well.

5. Choose a venue. There are many great venues in Buffalo. Make sure the venue you are considering is within your budget and fits the overall style of your wedding.

Get ready for an exciting ride!

Wedding Etiquette: Division of Expenses

I have been receiving a number of questions lately from my 2010 brides and grooms regarding the etiquette of how to divide the wedding expenses. This is a tough question to answer, especially in today's times. Many more couples today pay for their own weddings, rather than in the past when it was more or less expected that the parents of the bride footed the majority of the bill. There are many reasons for this change; some couples are waiting longer to get married, weddings are more expensive and more complicated than in previous years, and many couples I work with have already established households together prior to marriage.

{Photo credit - Impressions are everything}

So most couples today are either paying for their own weddings, their parents are pooling resources, or a combination of all these things - there isn't one standard that is considered proper etiquette for today's couples. I consulted my Peggy Post etiquette book and materials from the Association of Bridal Consultants, and both confirm that it is quite common that the groom's family pays a larger share of expenses than in the past. They simply can offer to share the expenses by contributing a set dollar amount,or they can offer to pay for certain parts of the wedding such as the liquor, the flowers, etc.

If you want to know the traditional age-old etiquette, the majority of the expenses are paid for by the bride's family. The following costs were typically paid for by the groom and his family:

• Bride's engagement and wedding rings
• Groom's gift to his bride
• Gifts for groom's attendants
• Bride's going away corsage (oh my - let me see...how many of my brides have had a going away corsage?!)
• Boutonnieres for groom's attendants
• Corsages for immediate members of both families (unless bride has included them in her florist's order)
• Officiant's fee
• Marriage license
• Expenses of honeymoon
• All costs of rehearsal dinner
• Accommodations for groom's attendants
• Groom's apparel
• Transportation and lodging expenses for groom's immediate family
  

Any way you break it down - weddings are expensive. It is important that all parties sit down together to discuss expenses, set a budget, and stick to it.

Money Mondays: Double Duty

A great way to save some money on your wedding or party is by having items, such as place cards, work double duty.

These snowflake place cards holders can double as favors for a winter event. You can even use a longer ribbon and tie them around napkins at each place setting.

Blumebuds from Blumebox are so cute, and come in 12 different styles. They hold one stem, and add to the table decor...plus they can serve as place cards and favors!

So instead of spending money on place cards, favors, and table decor - try to find one item that serves all of these purposes!

Money Mondays: Teaming Up

A great way to save money on your wedding is by teaming up with other brides. The Wedding Bee Classifieds has an online listing of used wedding items such as paper lanterns, charger plates, card boxes, gowns...basically anything you can think of. There are some pretty good deals to be found.

You can also ask wedding coordinators for help. I have a pretty extensive inventory of rental items that are available for rent to anyone, not just coordination clients. In addition, I deal with many brides on a daily basis, and may be able to help you share things with them such as vases, candy buffet jars, place card holders, table numbers and more. When you are planning a wedding, you want it to be uniquely yours - I get that. It's my job to take the same items and make them work for both of you. What could be better than two happy brides who paid half the price for their wedding decor!

Here's an example of the same container (a hurricane vase) used for two different events...

A wedding centerpiece designed by Distinctive Occasions for a Fall wedding.

A centerpiece designed by Distinctive Occasions for a New Year's Eve party.

With a little creativity and resourcefulness, you can save money without sacrificing the overall look of your wedding!

Money Mondays: DIY Wedding Stationary

It is easier than you may think to create your own wedding stationary. If you don't have the skills to design the items yourselves, you can hire a designer to create a monogram and other stationary pieces for you to use. You can use a monogram on programs, menu cards, water bottles, place cards, table numbers, favor tags...the possibilities are endless. Check out Etsy for affordable graphic design services.

Envelopper Inc. is a fantastic site where you can order blank card stock, table tents, favor tags & more already cut to your preferred size. They offer a large variety of colors, and you can usually run the cards right through your home printer.

When all your stationary is coordinated, it gives your wedding a more polished look.

Money Mondays: Signature Drinks

No doubt about it - an open bar at any event can put a strain on your wallet. Rather than offering a full open bar, you may want to consider limiting the bar to a few signature drinks (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) for guests to choose from. You can match the colors & names of the drinks to the theme of your event. If it is for a wedding, you can design it based upon your honeymoon location, the place you met, or a name it after a shared interest. The possibilities are endless! You can ask your caterer for suggestions in your color scheme, or you can search online.

Guests love having fun drinks to choose from, and you will save money without making it look like you are skimping.

{Source: Brides}

Check out this adorable custom cocktail menu card designed by Belletristics.

To add even more personal touches, you can design customized stir sticks at For Your Party, or make your own flags for stir sticks like in this photo from Style Me Pretty.

Instructions for these DIY stir stick flags can be found here.

Signature drinks are easy on the budget, and add stylish touches to your event - I'll drink to that!

Money Mondays: Adorn Brides Fine Jewelry Rentals

Want to look like a million bucks on your wedding day without the high price tag? Consider renting a beautiful piece of jewelry from Adorn Brides. We are pleased to announce a partnership with Adorn Brides, allowing you to bring some "red carpet" elegance to your big day at a fraction of the cost. Simply reserve your rentals online at Adorn Brides, and they will ship the jewelry to your door a few days before your wedding. When you're done, all you have to do is ship it back - it's that easy!!

Use our exclusive promotional code below, and save 10% on your jewelry rental!

Money Mondays: Make the most of your wedding flowers

A great way to save money without sacrificing the overall look of the wedding is to make your flowers work double duty.

At a recent wedding we designed, we used the same flowers at the church and reception. Check out these gorgeous vases flanking the altar at the church. Flowers by Johnny did a beautiful job on the flowers for this wedding at a reasonable price.


Then at the reception, these same vases framed the sweetheart table.



We purchased silver julep cups with detachable pew clips, and had the florist fill them with hydrangeas and roses. They looked beautiful on every other pew at the church.

After the ceremony, the clips were removed and the julep cups used on the guest tables and on the windowsills at the reception.

When the wedding party arrived at the reception, we took the girl's bouquets and placed them in vases on the cake table and the sweetheart table. The vases were accented with ribbon and fastened with antique broaches.

{All photos by Michael Alan Photography}

If you don't have a coordinator to transport all these items for you, just ask your florist. For a small fee, they should be able to set up the flowers at the ceremony and reception sites.

Weddings: Rebecca & Jason

We recently had the privilege of designing and coordinating the beautiful Spring wedding of Rebecca & Jason. They met on an airplane, and their wedding theme was "love is in the air". The reception was held at the Marcy Casino at Delaware Park, and we transformed the venue into a beautiful space for them. The cocktail hour was held on the second floor, and the decor was fun and whimsical, utilizing apple green and aubergine as the main colors. Here are some photos from the cocktail hour taken by the very talented Michael of Michael Alan Photography.

We utilized potted plants that came with the venue, and wrapped them with fabric. Green fugi mums served as simple centerpieces for the cocktail tables. If you want to save money on your floral budget, these fugi mums are large, inexpensive, and really make a statement.

We had two logos designed for the couple - the one above for the cocktail hour, and another for the reception. Their signature cocktail was a "Marry Me Margarita" which, in addition to being yummy, also matched the green and purple color scheme!

We created a chandelier with tissue paper pomanders from PomLove. This photo doesn't capture the whole room, but it looked AMAZING! They really transformed the space.

And finally, an adorable floral arrangement for the hors d'oeuvres table.

I'll share some more photos from this lovely wedding in the upcoming weeks.

Money Mondays: The Cost of Weddings

Given the current state of the economy, I have been finding that one of the things engaged couples are most worried about is the wedding budget. Let's face it - weddings are not cheap. The good news is there are many ways to save make smart choices. In the upcoming weeks, I will be posting money saving tips on Mondays. I wanted to start out with a great post by Liene Stevens Blue Orchid Designs that gives some insight into how wedding costs can add up so quickly.

Original post from Blue Orchid Designs - August 9, 2007 and printed below...

Yuck. Money. The subject no one wants to talk about but we all have to deal with, especially when it comes to weddings. And it's no secret that weddings are expensive - even an intimate, backyard ceremony with a handful of guests can stretch the wallet fairly quickly. I wanted to get into the reasoning behind some of the common pricetags and help put some of the sticker shock at ease.

But it's just some pretty paper: Invitations
A good rule of thumb when budgeting for invitations is this: a decent (read: nice quality, but not necessarily elaborate) invitation should cost around the same price as a greeting card. While we may buy greeting cards here and there as the occasion calls for it, you normally don't purchase 150+ greeting cards all at the same time. If you want a custom invitation, you can expect to pay more because you are compensating the artist for her designs, proofs, revisions and edits, assembly and general labor.

All you're doing is pushing a button: Photography & Videography
If all you want from your wedding are pictures that look like snapshots your slightly inebriated Uncle Frank took, then there are plenty of moonlighting hobbyists-who-call-themselves-professionals to choose from. If you want art and photographs that will capture the emotion of the day, then realistically you need to expect to pay more. Photography can easily be one of the most spendy parts of the wedding and for good reason - when all is said and done, that is what you will have left (well, that and your spouse of course!). I have met many, many married women who regret going cheap with their photography. Also, the final product usually doesn't come out of the camera ready to go - a lot of behind-the-scenes editing and design goes into producing great photos. If you're having video, you can count on hours of editing, including finding the right moments to splice things in, cueing the appropriate music to match, etc.

So you're like JLo in that movie: Wedding Planners
No, I'm not like JLo and wow, did she make my job look easy! Hollywood has a knack for doing that though, don't they? The biggest thing you are paying the planner for is her time - the average wedding takes more than 250 hours to plan and there are only 52 weekends in a year. Both of these facts limit how much we can take on and commit to. It may seem like you are paying the planner for one day, but in reality 250 hours translates into more than six 40-hour work weeks. And that's just for your normal, run-of-the-mill wedding. If you want something unique and special, even more time is involved.

They are just going to die tomorrow anyway: Flowers
Even flowers from the grocery store can be pricy - that is just the nature of a live element. When purchasing flowers, you are paying for so many things - the grower's cut (planting, growing, watering, feeding, harvesting), the packaging and shipping of them in a manner that they will not wilt or die on the way to your location, and then the florist's fees (design, watering, prepping them with special concoctions that prolong their lifespan, arranging, delivering, etc). Yes, a lot goes into those pretty bouquets.

It's just some fancy chicken: Food
Hands down, food is usually the most expensive item on the budget, and again quantity plays a big role. A nice dinner for two can sometimes be a splurge and when you're feeding 150+ mouths - well, I'll let you do the math. It is also important to look at quality when you are choosing your menu, and quality costs more, just like it does in every other part of life.

There are lots of areas of weddings that I didn't cover here, but I wanted to give a quick overview of some of them. The time-tested adage "you get what you pay for" has been proven over and over again with weddings. You don't need to break the bank on your wedding or try to keep up with the Joneses - but it is important to go into the wedding planning process with an understanding of where your money is going so that you can best prioritize its use.

Weddings: Jillian & Patrick

I had the pleasure of working on a July 4th wedding with Jillian and Patrick. They are a gorgeous couple (hopefully I will get some photos to share soon!), and the wedding took place at Shanghai Reds on the Buffalo waterfront. Shanghai Reds is a wonderful location for a event, and has multiple indoor and outdoor spaces depending on the size of your event and your particular requirements. Jillian and Patrick held their ceremony right on the lawn - the setting was so picturesque.

Holding the ceremony and reception in the same location is convenient for guests, and a great way to save some money, too. These chairs served double duty - we used them for the ceremony and then moved them inside for the reception while the guests were enjoying cocktail hour on the outdoor patio.

Here are some photos of the Skyline room, where their reception was held...

The primary color was royal blue, and Jill added some green accents with the table numbers and favors, which were boxes of mints. There were many decorative highlights of interest. I wish I had taken better photos, but I was a busy bee! They rented custom linens with silver sparkles that looked like fireworks, royal blue glasses, napkins and chair sashes added color in a classy way, blue uplighting around the room looked fantastic once the sun went down, and the chandeliers were decorated with lanterns and strands of orchids. Escort cards were matchbooks, which guests used later in the evening to light sparklers during the fireworks. Fireworks at your wedding...what could be better - it was beautiful!

Jill's sister made these lovely centerpieces for the guest tables...

These centerpieces are budget friendly, and not too difficult to make. She used curly willow and tealights, with gel that looked like water at the bottom of the vase. The florist glued fresh orchids onto the branches. Simple and elegant - I love them!

It was a beautiful wedding, the weather cooperated, and Jill & Pat and their guests danced the night away. I am grateful to have been a part of their day!

Party Time: US Navy Retirement

We had the privilege of coordinating and decorating a retirement ceremony and celebration for a Chief Petty Officer of the US Navy that I wanted to share with you. It was held on the fantail of the USS Little Rock on the Buffalo waterfront. This is truly a unique location to host an event! They allow you to hold anything from a casual party to a wedding right on the fantail of the ship! Here's a photo...





{Photo by Klaus Brink at Panoramio.com}

The location did present some challenges (including the famous Buffalo waterfront wind and ladies walking up the grated stairs in heels), but I think we rose to the occasion! It was a beautiful day and a beautiful ceremony. Here are some detail shots of the decor...

The decor was simple and affordable, and everything was decorated in the colors of the Navy. Blueberries in a vase with a single red gerbera daisy is simple and striking! I purchased a stamp with the Petty Officer symbol and stamped the symbol on each cocktail napkin. Finally, tables centerpieces were galvanized pails with American Flags and stars that held photos of the Officer's family. It was important that she honor her daughters, and we used photos of them at different stages of their lives and attached them to foam stars. An inexpensive, yet creative way to personalize the decor.

Other centerpieces were galvanized pails with blue hydrangeas in them...

Navy blue paper lanterns were hung to add a festive flair...

All in all, we really transformed the ship into a unique and classy space for this celebration! A great time was had by all!

Weddings: Monograms

A customized monogram is a beautiful way to coordinate many aspects of your wedding. Here are some ways you can use a monogram in your wedding:

-Save the dates
-Invitations
-Menu cards
-Place cards
-Table numbers
-Aisle runner
-Miscellaneous signs
-Welcome baskets or bags
-Ceremony programs

I recently asked Sarah of Belletristics to design two customized monograms for Rebecca and Jason's upcoming wedding. The couple met on an airplane, and are having a purple and green spring wedding. The "love is in the air" theme will be repeated throughout the reception in a tasteful, subtle way. Rebecca has a beautiful vintage inspired dress, so I didn't want the designs to look too modern. But I still wanted to incorporate their fun personalities and keep it looking appropriate to the season. Sarah designed these beautiful monograms that we will be using throughout the wedding...

Don't you just love the way she cleverly incorporated the airplane theme by making the "t" look like wings? She is so talented! If you are looking for a monogram or other stationary for your wedding, you should definitely check out her website. The prices are very affordable and her customer service can't be beat!

Confetti: The Importance of Shopping Around

I am decorating an upcoming wedding for one of my brides, and I was searching for julep cups to hang from the pews at her wedding ceremony. These small julep cups with detachable pew clips are perfect. We can get double use out of them by attaching them to the pews at the church, and then taking the clips off and using them as part of the tablescape at the reception.


I found these online through a popular wedding favor site for $5.42 each. I thought this was a bit expensive, so I did some more searching on google for a better price. Flowers & Supplies offers the exact same product for $2.39 each! The florist told me he wasn't even able to find them for this price.

Lesson learned - don't always go with the first place you find online when searching for wedding items. Many retailers increase the price the minute they hear the word "wedding." Be a smart shopper and you can have the same beautiful wedding for a fraction of the cost!

Wedding Budgets

Let's face it - the current state of the economy is putting a strain on many wedding budgets. Check out this great website where you can look at average wedding costs in your area. It also has a handy budget estimator tool: http://www.costofwedding.com/.

Weddings are expensive, and people are being forced to make choices and sacrifices. Couples need to be more creative than ever in order to have the wedding of their dreams. Celebrity event designer Colin Cowie offers the following 7 Tips for the Budget-Savvy Bride who seeks smart solutions for planning an extraordinary wedding:

{photo credit www.Colincowie.com}

1. Dream big: Small ideas get small results, so put budget aside while envisioning your dream wedding, then figure out what you can afford.

2. Cut your coat according to the cloth: It's better to do 5 things correctly than 10 things on the skinny.

3. Consider a destination wedding: Weddings can take place anywhere, so think beyond the exotic beach and think about a bed-and-breakfast or country inn. *Being near the Finger Lakes, there are a lot of beautiful small inns and B&B's that can make you feel a world away from home.

4. Opt for a fantastic DJ: Instead of a big orchestra or band, find a great DJ who can create great background music and just as easily keep the guests moving on the dance floor. *Stay tuned for our Vendor Spotlights, where we will be showcasing local vendors. Next week we are featuring one of our favorite local DJ's!

5. Invest in a trusted wedding planner: A professional is there to ease some of the pressure while bringing your vision to a reality. *Plus, we will help you with even more budget saving tips, vendor recommendations within your budget, and creative ideas!

6. Design a signature drink: Rather than serving an open bar, offer guests a specialty beverage that is as delicious as it is memorable. *I love signature drinks! You can give them clever names, and it gives your guests an opportunity to try something they may not usually order. They are also pretty and make for great photographs!

7. Create monochromatic flower arrangements using one type of flower: When bundled en masse in short ceramic vases, whether roses or carnations, tulips or spider mums; these flowers are beautiful and impactful.

Let's not forget the reason for this celebration and remember what matters most at the end of the day...you will be spending the rest of your life with the person you love! Make smart decisions, and you will be able to start this new chapter of your lives on the right foot.